Our Generations Kentucky Derby Uncut

What really scares me is the idea of what our generation is going to do to the Kentucky Derby. I'm more concerened what they'll do to the names of the horses. Because our generation likes everything faster, quicker, and mainstream, I can see the Kentucky Derby going something like this in the future:

"And they're off coming around the race track, nose to nose through the first turn. LOL takes an early lead, but l8r is passing him and bidding him adieu. As no surprise, n00b seems to be lost in what's going on, as most rookies do. And, OH! And is knocked into the fence and down by PWN! Meh and Ugh don't really seem to have their hearts in it.

MIA is no where to be seen, and something funny must be going on at the back of the track because ROFL and LMFAO have fallen in apparent fits of laughing. Here comes STFU coming around the corner, seeming annoyed at all the noise going on. Looking around I can't seem to find TTYL or BBL, however BRB has just mad his way back onto the course.

NSFW is... well... doing something to MILF that I just can't say over the airwaves. We'll have pictures and video on our website later. TMI is not enjoying the view, I can tell you that. Here we come down the final straight away! It's OMG and WTF neck and neck! They're coming to the finish line and, OH MY LORD! It's OMG past the finish line... no! Wait! It's FTW, for the win! Out of no where, FTW has come back and won it all!!"

My Suit

I was thinking about wearing a suit today, mostly because I think I look good in a suit. I've also always preformed in suits while I was on the Speech and Debate team in highschool. I would preform plays and acts by myself, doing all the different voices and movements. Well on my very last performance, I had a little glitch.

While moving very fast in the middle of my performance, I heard a snap. The next thing I knew, my pants felt very slack. My belt had just broken. It was an old belt, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but any other time than that would have been perfect. Worst thing? This was not a tailor made suit. This was a suit I found that was close enough to my size at the thrift store, so it was a size and a half too big.

I clearly cant stop my performance, but I cant exactly grab my belt and fix it in the middle of it. So as I'm performing, my stance gets wider, and wider, and wider as I try my best to keep my pants above the end of my suit jacket. But at this point the belt had full fallen down to my knee, so every time I moved, the belt swung and hit me.

So I finally make a split second decision. During my next turn, I grabbed my belt, pulled it out of the loops in my dress pants, and threw it to the side and finished preforming. By the time I had finished the performance, my pants were halfway down my thighs and I was doing the splits farther than I ever knew that I could. I finally finished the performance and go to sit down, when I realize I still have to grab the freaking belt in which I had thrown to the other side of the room.

I now walk over to the other side of the room, bend down with my ass toward the entire room, and one hand grabbing and keep my pants up, walk over to my seat, throw the belt down, put my head down, and declare my official retirement from Speech and Debate.